just got back from my math midterm...AUGH! (that's all i can state articulately right now)...the sad thing is i keep up with these blogging sessions more often than i keep up with my homework...

have you ever been at a point in your life (hypothetically speaking...) where you could let things keep going w/out you...i mean spinning...where you could just ignore it all and not give a crap? or, you could put your hand out and stop the ball spinning (this metaphor's getting out of hand)...you could prevent the vase from falling...But, i mean, seriously, do you ever just let things fall to pieces and pretend (so that you actually feel it) indifference? is it lethargy? is it laziness? does this happen to you? just a thought...man...math midterm...math midterm...math midterm...(why do i have a golf ball in the background? more on that later...)

what can i say about today? it's not even today anymore...i read this really funny article...www.yaledailynews.com/article.asp?AID=18601...neone who uses AIM should read this! Hmm...i have a midterm in about 8 hours precisely. why am i still awake? is it because i know raquel will walk back into this room the second i start to nod off? is it because i'm worried...i saw kenny come back from studying for the last 3-4 hours (so he says...)? is it because no one said a damn thing to me about my article in the Daily Cal today and it's bothering me a bit...(okayokay...it was in the corner, really tiny...forget it...)? or is it because my GSI doesn't give me enough feedback on my papers? well, maybe it's all of these things--maybe none of them. perhaps i'm awake b/c my sleeping cycle has been totally destructed by college living-or maybe i'm hungry! goodnight!

Yes...i'm still up. don't ask...Newayz, i just found out that i have an actual audience--or at least people who tune in once in a while to see if i'm still crazy. It's odd, i thought i was rambling to myself--in a way it was kinda nice...but, as long as people don't hold my words against me i guess there's nothing wrong...btw... it was a game of monopoly!

so, those of you who are caught up with my blogs are probably wondering what the hell i'm doing up right now?
well...people started screaming in the halls & cars were screeching by on the street...so I never quite got to sleep...i guess the atmosphere here is not (at least presently) conducive to sleeping (big surprise!)

did you ever feel like you need to get a grip on your life? like you need to figure out your plan and what you're going to do or else you'll be behind forever. geez...reading these posts some people may think me manic depressive...but really, i'm just being reflective, i'm just fatigued & i dunno...just...

sometimes there aren't any words that will describe one's level of weariness...that's me.
today was a typical day...i fell asleep during my math lecture...muddled through the rest of my day, skipped a Nutri Sci lecture (will catch up on webcam) and then fell asleep during my math midterm review (bad sign?)...i had to leave early in order to "catch" dinner at the D.C. or the GBC...i got there precisely 15 seconds till 7 p.m....no pity =( Neway, i treated myself out to dinner, spent my allowance for the next couple weeks and then walked back to my dorm.
i guess i sound pretty bad when i cough b/c on the way back a homeless guy started lecturing me about getting more sleep..."young lady, oh, oh, oh...nooooooo (accompanied by background coughs)...nyquil...young lady...dayquil? uh...nyquil...you need to stop partying and get more sleep!"--well, i could tell i was tired b/c the homeless guy was right...damn, i'm gonna go to sleep early no matter WHAT tonight (and that's a threat!)

what is it about the blinking of instant messages? i can't ignore them...i can't function without checking what the person said...how do some people do it? newayz, i came back from playing piano--boy am i rusty--i need to practice! it was really nice though...i'm gonna try and play more often. what else? hmm...i have a ton of reading to do that i haven't done (what else is new?) & i'm apprehensive about going into the Daily Cal tomorrow. It's a love/hate relationship...i've been sick for a while, so i'm nervous again...i don't really wanna go in b/c it takes a lot of time & i want to sleep--but then again, i really enjoy writing stories, doing all that reporting & seeing a final product the next day (ain't that the kewlest?)...well, today i went to Mc Donalds again (hey, they changed the oil...ok?)--raquel came w/ me this time...it was a lot of fun walking through dark foresty areas...i think i need to find a yummy cheap place nearby--no pizza please! oh yea...i've been blogged (whatever that means)...by raquel--it's a real honor (i have scissors for that tape!)...am i coherent?

you know what? i need to read a good book--talk about "chicken soup for the soul"--(not that book)...but, in general...a good book can really just make everything better in life! when i have enough time i'm gonna go to the library for some leisure reading--any takers? yeayea...school books...boo...

i like loners! there...i'm saying it! I think it's kewl...Haven't any of you hyper-social people ever needed some personal time for reflection? Why take the high school cliquey mentality that if you're by yourself you've either a) got no friends b) have no life or c) are a general loser...Now, this is not a confession on my part--it's just an admition...(conclude what you will!)

you know...11 a.m. classes just give a person those extra couple of hours to procrastinate...(a word that should be obliterated from the college student's vocabulary)...Why is it that those huge lecture halls purposely dim the lights? & did you ever notice that the professor's voice gets more & more monotone as the lecture goes on? pretty soon it's only a buzzing in my ear & i can't make out the little scribbles on my paper...I once sat on a bus & fell asleep--when i woke up everyone had been watching my head tilt back & forth for the last half hour (first it starts w/ the eyes...they get all droopy...then you lose control of your neck muscles...can't support the head...aahhhh)...talk about embarrassing--i imagine i look pretty much the same in my classes...& even though I feel sorta bad for the professor who's watching me sleep...i can't help feeling like it might give him a hint...EMOTION!

well, i've been trying to go to sleep for a long time...it's hard around here (on so many levels). anyway, i've always been excited about going to college--it's a place i felt i would be able to leave some old skin behind and be genuine..."me"...how i want to be. while, it's been an experience trying to do that--i've reached the conclusion that that's not quite possible. what's really sad (or wonderful...depending on how you look at it) is the fact that so many people will never truly know you. sure they believe they know what you're all about...but rarely are people as shallow as they are made out to be. sometimes i feel like i just want to say it all--but, then again, wouldn't things just get messy? is it really worth blowing things apart for people who don't matter in the long run? but, the problem is...who really matters? if survival of the fittest is a true testament of the human condition...then the loner is the most superior being...but, then again, human beings are social animals who need others. sometimes i get into very reflective moods--most people don't care...usually they think i'm joking. oh well, such is life...

You know these posts are just one dimension of my life...i'm going to try and enlarge--b/c it's really hard to get the full picture of me w/out my now present rasping cough, sniffly nose & half-dead look...(maybe we'll do this a week from now)--an afterthought...

today i went out for real food...the kind where you're served and the food tastes and smells great! it was a wonderful experience that i highly suggest to any DC'd out freshmen. first of all, everything was burning hot...yum yum...and well seasoned--as opposed to the bland bland cafeteria-esque food. what else? there was no chicken surprise, not last night's dinner or the previous day's lunch, or last week's meat...they were making it right there...man, i love food...i'm hungry....oh yeah--the best part! you can take home left-overs as souvenirs to stare at or to eat (i can eat yours...), whichever you prefer!

you know what's the biggest...or one of the biggest differences btwn high school & college? tests matter a whole lot more....i learned that the hard way... =( Neway, i must focus my energies on my reading and all my work...it's so hard not procrastinating--but, you've got to visualize 4.0 in your mind's eye...(my image keeps getting hazier)--i'm trying to do some refurbishing or whatever they do to those old monuments....

why is it that whenever it's hard to do something--all of a sudden i wanna do it. for example...this damn sickness of mine that i'm sure you're tired of hearing about...or "sick" of hearing about (hahaha)...anyway, i constantly feel like singing--but, my voice is really screwed up b/c of all it's tribulations & trauma of the past week....whatever...

okay okay...so i'm posting again today....trying to procrastinate my hw, there, i'll admit it! I even watched a little TV...Time to turn back to the Bible. yesyes, pious, dilligence...all those biblical adjectives must apply...

almost fell off my chair lip singing to "vision of love" by Mariah Carey...got that "what the hell are you doing" look from Raquel (she already thinks i'm crazy)...

this morning i woke up, got dressed & did everything normal people do in the morning, or at least i thought i did, but then...almost an hour later i woke up in my bed & had to jump out so that i wouldn't be late...dont u just hate those sorta dreams? they're so misleading!

as my cousin's screen name will attest, my life is a Catch 22...I get sick & the hw piles up, i try & catch up on sleep & the hw piles up...i'll either never get better or never catch up on my work...as my doctor told me..."damned if i do, damned if i don't" (u don't wanna hear that conversation....)--my doctor also told me "geez, you're a mess"....(do you think i should switch???)

there's this brownie sheet in the middle of our floor's hall...i think it's either Mike's or Chris'...& i have no clue how old it is, but they generously donate some to the floor. somehow i feel sorta like a dog eating off the brownie sheet placed on the floor in the middle of the hall--maybe it's just me...