Certain songs come on...and I feel compelled to write an entry here.

Today was such a strange day. A mixture of haphazard indifference and luck. I saw someone on campus I haven't seen for nearly four years. Bumped into someone else I haven't seen for a while. It's when you're not looking for anyone, or not looking in general...that you are found. Interesting.

My midterm didn't go as well as I wanted, I mean, I studied hard for it, but my mind was hazy...my thoughts scattered...I lacked coherency. I had spent so much time studying the material that I could not break it down or unpack it the way it needed to be done. Everything was within the technical verbiage of our class material. Perhaps okay, probably not. Plus, I think the reader has it in for me. And that's never good.

There is one more feat that I must accomplish before I am somewhat homefree. The problem is, I don't know if I will be able to do it. 30-pages by Thursday...it makes no sense to write something that will not be useful later. In fact, that's more unproductive than productive. Even more importantly, I can't shake this flu I have. Every time I feel better, it's quite shortlived (and probably medicine-induced). My dad always did tell me that I used to be too exuberant whenever I was "healthy" while I was sick, which would only get me more sick later. Oh well.

Good news today. Passed first round for a job I really want. Badly. A job I didn't believe I even really had a chance of getting. It's too competitive. Especially now. It was good news. I was really happy.

The thing is...it's hard to be happy when it's just you...it's much nicer when people understand how much something means to you. It's much nicer when people understand. But they rarely do. And I know, I set myself up when I expect people to do anything. I try not to.

I called my dad to let him know. He sounded very deflated and sad on the phone. Tired. Understandable, today is not the best of days for him.

I called my mom to let her know. She sounded somewhat occupied. Like she wanted someone else to know more than to speak to me. Her reportage of what I said, verbatim, seemed to confirm this.

The excitement had fizzled, left me, anticlimactic even before it started.

I am still honored. Still amazed. Still appreciate it.

But more alone.