By trying to make her happy doesn't she see that it's threatening to ruin our entire relationship?

The sad part is that I can see where she is coming from, I am trying to sympathize...I know she wants to be happy, to celebrate something with two people that supposedly mean so much to her. But, can she be so blind to not see that celebrating with one destroys the entire thing for the other person?

I feel like I'm being bought off. I know, I know that this will allow me unprecedented abilties to get what I want, to ask for almost anything--that she will practically bow to my every desire (a rare occurence at that)...in her attempts to win my favor for ______. But I would feel like the lowest person on Earth to take advantage of that situation, to squeeze it for all it's worth, feeling the way I do. It would be wrong, it would be hypocritical, and it would be so painful. Moral dilemmas like this are not meant to be mixed in with celebratory times, are they?

Yet, how do I look them both in the face? How do I look ____ in the eye and speak? What do I say? What do I not say?

It's inevitable, whatever happens. I decided to go through with it, to do whatever is asked of me, whatever is requested. There is no ill intention on her side, only ignorance and misunderstanding. Though those two things are very dangerous. I don't know if things will ever even be mildly the same again after all this. The fact that I was asked not to say anything about it...I just don't know.

Every moment I feel good or I feel happy will feel like the ultimate betrayal. Why couldn't she have done things normally?

WHY. F*cking why.

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