10/17/2006

Augh. Sometimes I just miss him so much.

I've slowly and surely got over Jack. It's been a tedious process, and sometimes I wonder why it would be so hard and so...ugh, if it hadn't been the real thing.

Slowly but surely I've weaned myself off going somewhat psycho when I smell his cologne on someone--getting a flop in the stomach, or a lump in the throat. Slowly I've stopped thinking of him constantly or comparing everyone and every thing to him. I've slowly been able to prevent myself from contacting him...I've a bit more perspective and understanding of things. But I still get a minor heart attack when I see his name in my email box (has happened only a few times over the last six months). I've just got to work on that.

Oh yes, and I can also listen to music now without lapsing into an acute depression or nostalgia. Still sometimes happens though.

I suppose time heals all things. I'm just wondering how much damn time this'll take. Plus, do you start over every time you are in contact with the person again?

Here I am, back home in LA--sans best friend, sans Jack, sans the majority of people and things that made home home, and memories memorable here.

What is left for me here? What's left for me anywhere? I guess I'll find out--if not now, soon enough.

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