I am furious.--furious, frustrated, and f-ing pissed off in general.

they day started off auspiciously enough, tho i had 2 midterms i was trying to not let anything ruin my day...little did i know.

anyway, i think i've officially alienated/antagonized any possible ally left in my house. wonderful, i know. that's the way to do it. i didn't mean to do it. i've really messed up. and the sad thing is, since i'm always out working--and literally, i didn't even eat dinner, i've been working nonstop this entire day, except for the 30 minutes which allowed me to alienate my house...(i haven't even taken my shoes off)...anyway, yes, since i'm always out working or doing something, i'm not around to defend myself. and suffice it to say that i can see the rumors flying as we speak. and not flying as rumors, but flying as fact, which is much worse.

once one story gets out, it's pretty hard to convince ppl of ur version. in any case, it's very frustrating and annoying on many levels. besides that there are some other things, but i'll leave it unsaid, b/c i'm being so forthright in this blog entry...right...like i'd ever really tell you everything i'm thinking or doing...like i actually trust you.

anyway, i had a wonderfully interesting conversation tonight in which an almost perfect stranger took it upon herself to cuss me out relentlessly. it was great.

i have a midterm on thursday. in addition to that midterm, which i have a ton of reading and prep to do for...i have to go to a school board meeting wednesday night, till G-d knows when...it's a late meeting. i also have an app i needa work on due wed.

oh yes, i need to bring in the recycling and trash buckets things...tonight. damn it all.
what else? oh yes, craploads of reading, must get in contact w/ profs i'm doing research with, let them know i haven't disappeared off the face of the earth. i have to renew an already overdue book and i don't know how.

All in all, i'm stressed to the nth degree and just about ready to kill any person that crosses my path right now. i really am not kidding and i really don't think i want to talk to anyone or see anyone for the next couple of weeks. just live in solitude and regain a little harmony. i'm not even done with all the crap i have to do and i'm already pissed off again.

i think i wrenched my friggin' shoulder while stretching in my chair. it hurts like hell.
oh yeah, my roommate is fuming mad at me and i don't know what to do and i don't even wanna broach the subject with her b/c frankly, i'm scared, and i'm worried that she'll be upset about things so much so that she'll hold a grudge and turn the entire house against me, if that hasn't happened already.

i've realized that the ppl i live w/ don't even really know me b/c i'm rarely hanging out. the other night when i did get to hang out w/ them marcy said a rather abrasive comment, tho honest and genuine at the same time, that i don't hang around w/ the house and i'm always in my room. this is true--i'm always trying to get my friggin work done. i really don't think i can go on like this... anyway, i wanna hang out with the house more and chat. i mean, all they know me as is this person who's rarely home, who works with the daily cal. the only real thing personal about me that they know is who i'm dating, and the way that's portrayed is prob not the best way to be solely idenitifed by ppl. i mean, that bothers me too. how come so many random ppl know my private business. ppl who don't even know me, know who i'm dating, and not only that but, not *who* i'm dating as in a person, but really the *age* of the person i'm dating. "the such and so age person"--wonderful. i really don't give a crap about these ppl, but if i'm living with them then it's really really really really really bothersome. i just want ppl to understand me, and thus far i have only succeeded in having ppl be alienated by me. i understand that it's hard for ppl to get to know me, i'm not extraordinarily open or friendly w/ ppl and am often put off by them or shy...but, still...it's weird that i have this new, very frustrating reputation, that i'm becoming exceedingly pissed off at ppl for labeling me with. come off it already.

i need to finish reading for class, do some apps stuff and get things in order. really, then go to bed, b/c i have an 8 a.m. class which is a midterm review. but...i can't do that. u know why? b/c my poor roommate will be up still and since she's already pissed off at me, i don't think it's a great idea to go to bed before she does. so, i'll just stay up and slowly die away. living is highly overrated anyway.