There's this new song I like, "White Houses" by Vanessa Carlton...I think it's so sad. Amy asked me why...and I couldn't respond for a while. I hadn't really listened to the words, and the music video is of dancing...why did I think it sad? I read the words, even those are somewhat of jubilation, quite the opposite of sadness...perhaps I'm too used to sad songs? No, I realize her song is just very nostalgic seeming to me, it represents all that's fleeting, what doesn't last...Aren't those really the saddest things in life?

Though, to ruin it all, I did read this well done piece of literary criticism about nostalgia, I wrote about it last semester--which basically says nostalgia is a rendition of a past event, idea, belief, that would not hold true if met with reality. Nostalgia is fake, often romanticized, and rarely as great as one imagined. But, that too is sad.

Why is it that I have this sinking feeling in my stomach...it's something more than just my sickness. The girl next to me is in my program, and she's avidly working away on her to-do list...While I can't seem to get anything done. I should have gone to the Center today to get my student card, my Sartre reading, and stopped by the Sorbonne to figure out when I need to schedule for classes.

Instead, I didn't do anything, not really. It's so much more comforting to sit here and do nothing then to take action. How pathetic--in every sense of the word. I'm not even wasting time in a good way. Okay, well I was trying productivity...and perhaps I am productive without even knowing it--look at this site? But, that's more of a busybody, nonproductive productivity. sigh...at least I'm good at sighing.

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