I've recently felt a lot more at odds with my own personal identity. No, not split personality crap or any of that. But more hostile towards my own ethnic classification.

You see, I've always classified myself as entirely American (first-generation)and then ethnically half Iranian (father) and half Chinese (mother). However, recently, an odd sort of phenomena...I've started to feel this, well, I suppose, gag-reflex is the best word for it, whenever I've mentioned anything Chinese or that ties into that heritage. I'm ashamed of it now, so to speak...which is so odd because I am normally so proud of it. (Hence the reason why it comes up so much and I've noticed my bizarre reaction as of late.)

My only way of analyzing this is that I identify my own ethnic heritage through that of my mother's (which makes sense)...and now, any mention of that heritage just reminds me of her and the situation. I am estranged from one half of my self, so it seems.

Perhaps another reason for the numbness.

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