Been doing lots of thinking, per usual.

It's weird how my last four years of college have been symmetrical to say the least. Or, I suppose that's the way the "grand plan"--whatever that is--works.

Four years of high school, four years is what it took to build a really solid friendship with EBF, and it took those same four years to have it disintegrate into absolute nothingness.

Take this scenario, for example: In my attempts to pay attention to her life and ask her about what is important to her, because I care, etc. I call her, message her, contact her in order to ask how her MCAT went, in order to ask if she got the job she wanted to get. Her response, her only response: *shrug*...and I never got a single call back. I believe she is ignoring me.

I think, at this point, I'm just asking for it. I should stop.


Let's move onto Jack. It's been nine consecutive days of "no-contact-whatsoever." I think about him way too much, miss him a lot, but I suppose there is a respect now for this agreement, to allow us both some time and space and...distance. But you know what I really wish? I wish he had done this while I was in Europe. That he had given me the respect back then, instead of making me into some half-dependent, emotionally stunted twit (well, EBF helped too)...with his stupid fade-out of sorts. I never quite understood how someone who really cares about someone else can do that. Maybe one day I will (hopefully not)...but the thing is this. If I really care about someone, then, when I hear their voice asking me to give them a call, or see them write me an email saying they want to talk to me--when they feel sad, or hurt--I cannot ignore them or not get back to them. I just can not.

My life has changed in so many ways in four years. I guess that's part of growing up. Though no one ever told me growing up was also a partial "falling apart and putting yourself back together in a different way" process. Maybe it's better I didn't know that.


At this point I'm way too busy to seriously date anyone or do any sort of emotional committing. There are only a couple weeks of school left, and I already have trouble concentrating on finishing up the material. I need to finish strong though, dammit. However, despite such high claims, there are a couple guys on the horizon that I am interested in.

Introducing: Ohio/NY boy (ONYB), Taiwanese guy (TG), and yet another German guy (GG). Updates, explanations, and more...in the next installment. Don't worry, finals are coming up.

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