Well, I'm back in Europe...in Brussels now.

I hate to have my first post here be nostalgic or sad...but that's what it was going to be. Yet, first, lest my post indicate negative feelings for this place, I will give a few beginning perceptions from the last 72ish hours.

Landing in Brussels reminded me of Washington D.C....so green, so beautiful. I was actually glad to come live here, and now I understand why it's so green (read: rain, lots of it). I like how the people here are so laid-back, from fashion to their very own language. Yes, you do need to know French to truly get around here, but they're also not snide about such things. And, if you stumble a bit with your accent, they pretend to not have noticed. Or so that has been my experience. I was flattered by one Belgian the first day, a woman at the cell phone shop, who thought I was French.

Despite some housing problems, I have a wonderful housemate here and a quite decent situation in general. My work place is nice...the people there are wonderful.

A friend of mine is now visiting. He's really nice, down to earth, fun to hang out with...although I do not know if I can match him on the emotional level he's at...I think I'm much too distraught. And here's where I suppose the tone gets a bit more sad. What often happens when I meet people I used to know in Europe, out of place...I feel like he is from a past life. Frankly, in a way, he makes me homesick...and sad. I know there's a crush and then a crash...I would prefer a middle ground though...and not quite so soon! I don't think it's hit yet, but this does somehow change my mood.

My last night in LA, I desperately wanted to post...but Blogger wasn't working properly and neither was my Internet connection. Go figure.

I was so very sad. So very very sad. Nothing was as it should be. I had so much left unfinished. I was leaving a home I very well will never come back to. Yes, I took pictures, but that's all I may have left. It's hard feeling so sad and so badly about a thing and not feeling like you have anyone you can tell this to or depend on. It's hard sometimes. Sometimes I despise myself for still being idealistic about past relationships and friendships. I wish I could just move on...I know I'll be hurt again. But maybe I just like setting myself up.

When I think about the way things were in LA, it makes me want to just run away from it all and throw myself into my work. I know I could be happy working 24/7...at least for some time...but that's no life. Is it?

I suppose I will feel better when I start traveling. That has always helped me. To settle somewhere alone is always hard. Keeping active and keeping social when I find superficialities annoying and the lack of genuine friendship saddening...is harder. Maybe that's why I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep for a long, long time...

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