My head hurts again. It's been the norm now for quite some time.

Anyway, my days in Berkeley are dwindling down to the last couple, and my phone has been ringing nonstop. It's odd. I tell people it has nothing to do with my popularity--just the concentration of time in which I must get things done. Why couldn't this have been spread out over the last four years? Aha, the universe is strange and ironic. I guess I'll have to make the best of the time I have.

A friend of mine talks about how she's always the last one to know things in her family--especially since they're all down in LA. For me, it's quite the opposite. Sometimes I even know things that my other family members don't know, or see the clash coming from across the way before the big hit. They all talk to me, and I get to witness it miles, states, countries or continents away. Powerless to do anything...except perhaps to listen to the yelling and get a horrible headache. Today I spoke to my mother, sister, father and uncle...all within the last 24 hours. Repeatedly in some cases. My friend wants to be informed of her family's going-ons. I get way too much information sometimes. I guess that's the way it goes.

I've gone out a lot this last week, meeting with old friends, trying to take as much advantage of what little time I have left...but tonight I just wanted to go home, home to my room here in Berkeley and curl up with a book, listen to music...and then sleep for a very long time. I realized a couple weeks ago, quite subconsciously...my place in Berkeley has become more of a home than my room back in LA. I guess I realized this when I discovered I sleep better up here. It's weird to find a home, and then have to leave it so suddenly, but Berkeley became my home despite my begrudging admition.

And yet, as I look about me, I know it's time to leave and start a new chapter in my life. At the graduation ceremony I attended earlier today, someone quoted Yogi Berra, who said "When there's a fork in the road, take it." I reflected about that for a long time (it was a long ceremony)...I mean, you can take that as literally as you want and it still works (though you do get into some ethical issues...). I'm taking the fork, and I'm glad (they're quite useful).

In any case, I sometimes think about how, though I have certain things set, or certain things lined up, life is so unpredictable, and I have so much room to make mistakes, that it's a wonder I get to where I want to go. Sometimes I worry I won't actually get there.

I suppose I just need more sleep. The last month has been extremely hard on my sleep schedule. The last semester on my life schedule. It really has been a whirlwind. Whenever I sleep I have nightmares...when I'm awake my head and my eyes ache. I need to relax, but doing nothing makes me edgy and anxious...I have so much to do, but I'm constantly putting it off.

There is so much I want to say, that I imagine, I never will. There are so many things I don't want to deal with, but I suppose, I must. I guess that's how it goes.

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