Sometimes I hate my last name and the way I look. I know, I know, it adds a whole different perspective to my life. But I clearly do not belong.

Last night I went to a Shabbat dinner with a friend.

A bit of the conversation: "Are you Buddhist?...Muslim?...Christian...?"

The guy still didn't get that I was Jewish...and I had no urge to delve into the whole conversion conversation and ethnicity conversation. I just answered him, "No...no...no..."...and he walked away.

My own friend's family asked me if I knew what "choresht" was...as if I didn't grow up around words like that my entire life.

And the punch line of this all is that I probably know more shit about Judaism than any of them there.

Scene two:

I wrote this article about Hanukkah and I got plenty of positive comment on it. Many people agreed. Every clergy person I spoke to on every side of the issue. All the Jews I knew, all the immigrant Jews I knew, just everyone.

Of course, the article goes out under my byline, which is hardly "Jewish" looking.

And of course, I get shit replies from people who just want to trash me because they think I'm some Muslim person or whoever writing crap about their holiday.

Well f*ck them.

These people--they say, "our holiday"..."we Jews"...as if I don't belong and will never belong. Granted they know not what they do.

But how much alienation can one take.

I need to find a club that's greater than the club of one.

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