Why do we write?

I haven't written here continuously in years. My last entry was August 2008, way before much of what is currently going on in my life was underway. And so I wonder, why do we write? Why do I write?

Since August, I've found someone who I can talk to, and who fulfills most of my emotional needs, if not all of them. I haven't tested all the boundaries yet, but what I've learned so far has sustained us both, I think.

Much of my past writings for the last year have dwelt on issues of loneliness, isolation, depression, darkness--much like the background of this blog. Black. In most cases, I've been inspired to write because of these feelings. Because, dear blog, you were all I had to count on. So sad that the best writings seems to come out of misery. But I'd like to change that up, and write out of more contentment, out of more regularity or out of a necessity that I continue to do something that gave me such catharsis and such, yes, joy.

Sadly, right now is not the best time to try to talk about things that are happier and less black. On Feb. 12, 2009, I was involved in a serious car wreck on the freeway, which was my fault. Thankfully, no one--except for me--was injured. In a way, I've sort of seen that as my comeuppance from a vengeful God. I know it doesn't work that way. Necessarily. But, well, when I look back on this past Jewish year...I wonder what the heck I did, or didn't do. By all accounts it's been a very lucky or very unlucky year. I suffered potentially deadly experiences twice and came out alive. Yet, why did they have to happen at all? I wonder. I'm sure I'm being taught some cosmic lesson--but I'd rather do without the 7-mm disc bulges in my L5-S1 lower (lumbar) back...or the multiple mini-er bulges in my neck and the screwed up muscles and tightness. Not to mention the failure of my immune system to ward of one illness after another. Ironically, still, I look like I'm still fit and in relatively good health. Because of all the exercises, my core is actually possibly stronger now than it was prior to my accident. Funny how the world works.

And yet, the things I enjoyed most in life...climbing, my work, and driving...are dead for me, for the moment. Those like-minded friends I'd found in my wilderness course...have gone on without me bagging peaks, ice climbing, technical climbing, traveling and camping...

Alone again, sorta.

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