Some questions -- no answers

Can strength of character actually be a character flaw? Can it work against you?

I finally understand the mentality that makes someone think that cutting themselves is the answer. Is that empathy a problem in and of itself?

At what point is it all too self destructive?

Felt like a fraud today when I was included in the group that doesn't tie up the medical system/emergency rooms, etc... It was said during a coffee chat. "You and I don't"...etc.

No one else can pull the stops on this. This is my responsibility. Why am I continuing to hurt myself? What is wrong with me?

A list of what I ate today:

Cereal and milk
A sesame bagel and cream cheese
Chocolate chip cookie
Chai soy latte
A bag of fritos
Broccoli/meat/potatoes/shrimp/carrots and brown rice
20 pieces of sour candy
Four pieces of brownie
A burger
15 tater tots
Can of ginger ale
Handful of hot tamales
Bottle of beer

This week:

All of that, plus...
McDonald's twice (full meals, plus McFlurry)
Many sour candies and twizzlers
Kettle corn
Many handfuls of hot tamales
Many bags of Fritos
Two dark chocolate chilli bars
Many cans of diet coke
Many soy chai lattes
Many cups of coffee
Chips and salsa, refried bean sauce
Frozen yogurt and piles and piles of candy toppings
Oil dripping shrimp tacos, rice and beans
Pho tai
Breakfast burrito
Cookies, scones, banana bread, cinnamon roll
Multiple cherry cokes

I really can't remember. Much much more along those lines.
Grand total daily caloric intake? 5-6,000 a day? If I could hazard a guess.

This is what happens when the only positive thing in your life is food and when nothing else seems to matter.

Free tumbling into constantly new lows.

Maybe I should rename this blog that.

Oh, I did meet two guys.


Silver lining: Four or five books or a political career's worth of material here.

I have never been in more pain in my life.

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