well, i'm at work. and actually, it's getting a little easier. i took out the cd he gave me from my discman and put in the evita cd. it's like a little story, well, i mean...it is a story. a musical story. and i just listen to that, and it takes my mind off of things. work is a good distraction, i suppose. and, now i can really get down to business. work, work out, eat, and study for LSATs while listening to good music. i really should get back on the ball about that studying. especially since Namrata's probably done a ton of MCAT studying. man, when she was prepping for the SATs, that's what motivated me to prep myself-or at least try to. But, now that we're both doing different things, it's hard to make myself motivated. especially when my mind keeps wandering away to thoughts of... well, anyway.

i got another email request for pictures. but, honestly, i have no recent good pictures of me at all. none. and not on my computer, at least. so never mind that.

i guess what's preventing me from feeling like calling patrick again is that yesterday when i did he got so upset and mad at me for breaking "radio silence" that i just wouldn't want that to happen again. i wanted him to be happy to hear from me, like i was happy to talk to him, but it kind of just fizzled in my face quite badly--made me regret the whole thing. anyway, now i understand why it's necessary. moving on can be hard, but maybe it's not just bad. i just try forgetting about the whole thing. and it seems to be working a little bit more.

the only problem now is that almost everything reminds me of him. today i got a reall nice book, A Critical Companion for James Clavell...he knows how much i LOVE Clavell. and it was awesome, I've already started reading different portions of it and find a lot of my thoughts have been similar (well, if you read something 15ish times...cmon...). Anyway, it was just really sad b/c he sent it way back when...and things are now different. not only that, but i got a card yesterday, so it's like...everything was waiting for me to be upset and give me pangs of remorse...to torture me. sigh.

i guess i just need to sort of get things that remind me of him out of the way. it just sucks b/c i like thinking about him. but, hey, it's only a little while. then we'll be friends again...hopefully.