Bastard Unveiled. Part 2.

Ah, where was I?...

Yes, he started stuttering...

"I shoulda known you would have...errr, she was just a girl, err, I met when I was moving out, very briefly met. She wanted to date...though...I. would. not."

"Anyway," he continued. "I'm sure you've dated people while you're in Paris."

"Yeah, but you see, I have always been entirely honest about everything throughout our relationship. For good, for bad...for worse. Whereas, you have been lying to me about almost everything."

"...No..."

"Okay, not almost everything," I laughed. "Everything. You're right."

"..."

"So...what did you want to ask me?"

"Well, it's probably stupid now...it's actually two questions" (add in long still self-righteous, self-pitying speech about how he's gonna still say it even though he'll sound stupid. agreed.)

"I wanted to know if you'd consider...be interested...in dating me ever, sometime in the future, again...and if so...why you would ever want to do that" he said. (A typical Jack rhetorical technique/method he uses to fish for compliments and boost his ego...)

"Good question," I said. "All good questions...(I was not buying into it). It's interesting how all your questions only assume one answer. That's rather biased of you."

(Of course, here it's all just paraphrased, I made it a lot harder for him...strategically employing the journalists best weapon: silence. Listening to him struggle...and making him specify his questions most specifically.)

"No...those are just what I thought of..."

(He probably thought I'd come running for what little meat he was offering on the bone."

"Umm...I don't know. I don't know if I want to answer that...Honestly, I don't think so. No. I don't want to."

"...Uhhh, why do you say that?"

"I don't want to tell you."

"Why? What harm does it do you?"

"None. I just don't want to say."

"Well...I guess then I shouldn't ask why I really wanted to ask you..."

[INSERT: Tons more self-pitying rhetoric...etc...]

"Would you marry me in the future...? I know that's now a stupid question. But...I think about you way too much...Blahblah."

trying to pull my heartstrings...

"Yeah, it is...So...have you ever told J that you loved her?"

"...Um...I...may...have...said it...to her. Yeah..."

"Well, great! I'm really happy for you then. Honestly [and I was honest!]. I'm glad you've found that."

"Nonono...it's not..." fade to silence "She was a really nice girl...she spoke and seemed a lot...like...you."

Yeah. Right.

"Okay...well Jack, I've really got to get to bed. I stayed up late because you said you would phone. You phoned 30 minutes later...I have to get to sleep."

"Well...glad I called..." (sarcasm)

"Yeah, well, I'm glad it paid off for you then. Good night."

"...Bye... Love you...(mumbled)"

"Bye." *click*

Grin.

That is the gist of the conversation. My memory of it fades in and out...so there are a lot of little parts missing...Parts where I just didn't speak...where he squandered for words. One part where he just asked me flat out, "What I want?"...and where I made him specify what he was referring to. Deserved torture, I think.

The last conversation of our more than one year long relationship lasted about 45 minutes. How fitting. And how ironic.

Even though I may have failed my exams this past week...I feel like, for once, I have succeeded on a very important personal exam, something key...I have learned a lot from all this...about love, life...people. And though this sounds hokey...it has been those key people: my sister, Amy, Isaac, Raquel...and other friends who have helped me get through all this--Counseling. Commenting. Cussing.--When I had no clue, no words...or just couldn't deal. Thank you.

No regrets. This time.