Specificity

It's been a strange day.

Or rather, the entirety felt like a "non-day"--everything revolved around what happened yesterday, or what will happen tomorrow. Sunday already, huh?

Last night I put myself out there. I threw a house warming party, and I had a great time. There were many people who came from all different parts of my life. That's always nice. Of course, no normal evening passes without some sort of turmoil. My cousin is still roiling from his own martial issues. It's hard to see him so "bummed," as a friend of mine put it. (I think I have a special knack for being euphemistic in these posts.) My goal was to drink an amount that would allow me to relax and stop worrying about stuff, without making a fool of myself. Later I would be glad for this decision. Even so, the alcohol build up did render me rather incapacitated toward the end of the night, and I have a very annoying stinging rug burn on my right elbow because of the night's shenanigans.

Anyway, my dad crashed my party in the middle of it. I was very glad to seen him, and slightly sad to see him. I can't help but think about what everything illustrates and how different life is now for all of us. I tried to make him feel as welcome as possible and it was nice partying with him...he didn't stay too long, but he did have a chance to chat with many people. My fellow co-workers tried hard to get the dirt on me, and I fear they may have succeeded. But, well, that's life. I suppose.

The one part of the night that has left me with a bit of a knot in my stomach came mid-party as well. I knew it would come up. The people I was inviting, a lot of them, went to high school with me. And, in that other life of mine, I had a best friend--or, as would probably be remembered, she and I were nearly the same person. We took attached at the hip to a whole new level.

And frankly, it was a strange thing for me. Especially since I'd never before had best friends. I guess one of those "once in a lifetime" sort of undertakings (pun intended).

Well, and so...when I invited these people over, they of course asked me about EBF. I've narrowed down the story to mere specifics, beginning with a one-liner background of the break up in talks, and then her final statement and the subsequent inaction/action and cold war-nothingness. Yes, I'm making such metaphorical comparisons.

"It's her loss," said a couple of my old high school friends. In fact, one of them was closer to her than she was to me. And I had to wonder in my own cynical self-doubting way, if she was just saying that because she was trying to be nice, or if she really meant it. In any case, I didn't let the conversation continue for too long. Who wants to dwell on such things.

"I think she broke up with her boyfriend," my friend continued.

I froze, somewhat inconspicuously--or, so I tried.

Now I'm not that vengeful at all. In fact, this has nothing to do with such a thing. Honest. It's more a matter of the fact that I did not know this--for one, and I do pride myself on being able to keep up on people despite not being in contact with them. (Yes, I have a problem.) But, really, there was a small part of me that also felt like maybe karma and justice and all those things were making a reappearance in my life.

Maybe we'd be friends again.

Long story very short, because I've got to run out soon...she did not break up with him. They are still together. Shrug. I won't reveal my sources on that.

So I guess we're back to the nothingness again. I don't think we'll ever be friends. Ever again. It's funny to think about how things change. In a matter of four years. We used to talk about all those stupid "girl things"--one day being at each others' weddings, etc...I've been through so many emotions. Again. I hate feeling that hurt--re-experiencing it. Reconsidering it. Just pipe dreams.

Haha. ha.